13 of the Funniest Things Ever Said about Travel

We love an inspiring travel quote as much as anyone else, but travel is oftentimes filled with all types of hiccups and snafus that make a trip memorable and sometimes hilarious. Here are a few of our favorite quotes that we find funny, relevant and all too familiar at times!

1. “The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.”
-Britney Spears

2. “People say there’s delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years, a bunch of people used to die on the way there, have a baby, you would end up with a whole different group of people by the time you got there. Now you watch a movie and [go to the toilet] and you’re home.”
-Louis C.K.

3. “What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?”
-George Carlin

4. “Airplane travel is nature’s way of making you look like your passport photo.”
-Al Gore

5. “People come back from flights and tell you a story like it’s a horror story. They act like their flight was like a cattle car in the 1940s in Germany. That’s how bad they make it sound. They’re like, ‘It was the worst day of my life. We didn’t board for 20 minutes and they made us sit there on the runway for 40 minutes.’ Oh really? What happened next? Did you fly in the air, incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight you non-contributing zero?’”
-Louis C.K.

6. “I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
-Mark Twain

7. “When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they’re like, ‘What do I do … I don’t really … ha-huh …’ Yeah, it’s the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!”
-Dane Cook

8. “It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, ‘As pretty as an airport.”
-Douglas Adams

9. “My fear of flying starts as soon as I buckle myself in and then the guy up front mumbles a few unintelligible words then before I know it I’m thrust into the back of my seat by acceleration that seems way too fast and the rest of the trip is an endless nightmare of turbulence, of near misses. And then the cabbie drops me off at the airport.”
-Dennis Miller

10. “I’ve never understood the ‘things to do before you die’ idea. If I was ill, I’d be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin.”
-Karl Pilkington

11. “I travel the world, and I’m happy to say that America is still the great melting pot – maybe a chunky stew rather than a melting pot at this point, but you know what I mean.”
-Philip Glass

12. “[Airline food] is the tiniest food I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get — chicken, steak, anything — has grill marks on each side, like somehow we’ll actually believe there’s an open-flame grill in the front of the plane.”
-Ellen DeGeneres

13. “I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.”
-Bob Hope

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